the snuggie enterprise

hi. so i feel that this topic needs to be discussed lightly, as to not offend the druids/sorcerers who support this enterprise, but the snuggie frightens me. not necessarily because it reminds me of dark magic but because of what it can become. let me explain...we began with the simple idea of a blanket with arms. ok, not too bad. then we got fancy and began to add "fashionable" patterns. slightly disturbing. now they have snuggies for animals, also in "fashionable" patterns. straight up scary. then we were introduced to the "kuttles" which was a short lived product that was a snuggie for two people with three arms so that the two people could share a hole and hold hands, play video games, or share popcorn. absolutely terrifying. i'm glad to see that no remains of this product remain on the internet.

what is next? the threesomuggie (threesome-uggy)? the orgyggie (or-jiggy)? the founding of the city snuggopolis? i fear a future where snuggies rule. i also remember that snuggies were mocked for a long time and all of the sudden the collective consciousness shifted, everyone got one for christmas, and now snuggies are cool. when did this happen? is it some sort of astronomical event or am i just that far out of the loop? i can bear the snuggie but once other people start being included i have issues. the best part of cuddling under a blanket is what goes on under the blanket with hands. i bet the vatican is behind the kuttles in some sort of sexual activity control plot. i'm going to call dan brown and have him write a book about it immediately because i sense a conspiracy. if i'm reported dead from suffocation assume it was due to some secret snuggie society. i'm only 50% joking.

take cover,

-ry