household objects

hi. so i'm sure this topic will be one that every person in the world can relate to...except poor, starving children, probably. how many times have you been typing a paper and forgot to save to find yourself face-to-face with a power surge or technological meltdown of sorts that makes you lose the paper? or how about when you need to print something and your printer becomes a raging bitch that won't print? or how about wanting to watch your favorite show to only have your television set break down at that very moment? or how about just walking by your ironing board and stubbing your toe on it? i'm sure i could go on for years about all of these things but the main culprit behind all of these cases...household objects.

for years i thought "oh i just have bad luck. that must be why these things happen." but recently i've began to think that maybe these objects aren't so inanimate. what if they are plotting? plotting to take us down and take over? the brave little toaster? more like the death monster toaster!!! it won't be so cute and little when it short circuits and burns your house down! maybe you are sitting there just reading this on your computer that you trust. it gives you entertainment, let's you connect with friends, and gives you porn (better than friends). but what happens when it takes over? when it starts posting your recent porn searches to facebook!? "charlie montgomery is watching chicks with dicks!" then what!? THEN WHAT!? that mac isn't so great now is it!? now the mac is a maniac!

why do i bring this up? do i think we don't have enough to worry about with north korea launching fucking rockets? no. i'm well aware that we have plenty of obvious issues to be concerned with. however, it's my duty as a citizen of the usa to make sure we all are aware of the concerns that may not be so obvious. it's like we are rihanna and our household objects are our chris brown. how many times are they gonna punch our faces in before we stop making music with them? so here is my warning to you all: move into the woods! it's the only place that's safe.

take cover,
-ry


EDIT: I just saw this clip of a cellphone distracting a man and almost getting him eaten by a bear. tell me household/everyday objects aren't out to get us...