household objects 7:32 PM

hi. so i'm sure this topic will be one that every person in the world can relate to...except poor, starving children, probably. how many times have you been typing a paper and forgot to save to find yourself face-to-face with a power surge or technological meltdown of sorts that makes you lose the paper? or how about when you need to print something and your printer becomes a raging bitch that won't print? or how about wanting to watch your favorite show to only have your television set break down at that very moment? or how about just walking by your ironing board and stubbing your toe on it? i'm sure i could go on for years about all of these things but the main culprit behind all of these cases...household objects.

for years i thought "oh i just have bad luck. that must be why these things happen." but recently i've began to think that maybe these objects aren't so inanimate. what if they are plotting? plotting to take us down and take over? the brave little toaster? more like the death monster toaster!!! it won't be so cute and little when it short circuits and burns your house down! maybe you are sitting there just reading this on your computer that you trust. it gives you entertainment, let's you connect with friends, and gives you porn (better than friends). but what happens when it takes over? when it starts posting your recent porn searches to facebook!? "charlie montgomery is watching chicks with dicks!" then what!? THEN WHAT!? that mac isn't so great now is it!? now the mac is a maniac!

why do i bring this up? do i think we don't have enough to worry about with north korea launching fucking rockets? no. i'm well aware that we have plenty of obvious issues to be concerned with. however, it's my duty as a citizen of the usa to make sure we all are aware of the concerns that may not be so obvious. it's like we are rihanna and our household objects are our chris brown. how many times are they gonna punch our faces in before we stop making music with them? so here is my warning to you all: move into the woods! it's the only place that's safe.

take cover,
-ry


EDIT: I just saw this clip of a cellphone distracting a man and almost getting him eaten by a bear. tell me household/everyday objects aren't out to get us...

Ridiculously Photogenic Guy 7:42 PM

hi. so have you all seen the "ridiculously photogenic guy" yet? i know it sounds like that would be a name i made up but it isn't. what it is is the latest craze in the meme-dom (that one i did make up). here's the backstory...

a man runs a race. a man smiles at friends but catches the lens of a photographer. instant fame ensues.

here is the photo that started this...

so now the memedom captured him and the memes began...

good morning america even went so far as to have an interview with him...

...in which they discovered there is no story other than that he is ridiculously photogenic.

i could say so much about this guy. he seems pretty harmless and didn't ask for this attention but if it was me i'd be making a lot more fun of the whole situation. and i definitely would have used "ridiculously" at least once per sentence. 

"thanks for having me, it's ridiculously cold today." "your dress is ridiculously amazing." "the photographer is ridiculously creepy." "this interview is ridiculously awkward"...you catch my drift. 

ridiculously.

also is it just me or is this guy a better looking version of 'nick' from new girl? 

take cover,

-ry

p.s. also can we start calling him the RPG (ridiculously photogenic guy)? it will make so many nerds so angry. let's do it. ok? ok.

tebow 11:46 PM

hi.

well happy easter to all of the christians out there. i am writing from the safety of my bed with a stomach full of half-digested animals that i devoured in honor of a man becoming a zombie. how sanctimonious.

i saw an article posted on AOL today (yes, some of us still have AOL email accounts) and it was featuring someone who has been a hot button topic lately, tim tebow. He had a chat with a pastor joe champion (real name? doubtful) in texas about standing up for your faith and being vocal about religion. His last name pronounced backwards sounds like elmer fudd saying "rabbit" so this ties easily not so easily to easter on more than one level.

in this genius interview tebow puts down athletes who don't bark about faith (how christian of him). but it was this section of the article that irked me most.

Champion asked Tebow what he thought needed to change culturally in America."First and foremost is what this country was based on: one nation under God. The more that we can get back to that"

is it what this country was based on? pretty sure it was based on disease spreading and slaughter but if that's "one nation under God" then you, sir, are some sort of practicing necromancer or are a member of a strange cult that i want nothing to do with. i'll stick to keeping this country just where it is because that enables me to be who i am and practice what i love. also, i don't think profesional football players were allowed to have press conferences in pink shirts about how much they love jesus in the olden days. burn that witch at the stake is what i say.

secondly, a cultural change is the last thing this country needs. and the idea that people are asking that question terrifies me. we have culturally become more and more accepting of various races, sexual orientation, and religions and to me that is something to be appreciated, not disregarded.

so tebow, go back to doing what you do best. and we all know what that is...wearing pink button downs and getting on your knees (ba-zing!)

take cover,
-ry